So I really love the feedback from you all saying I make you laugh or that you enjoy following Death Toe. I get told a lot by friends that I’m brave and cheerful despite the pain and how proud they are of me. But I also have horribly bad days. Last night was a drunken meal out with all my faves to celebrate the birthdays of two close friends and instead I’m in hospital. Woo hoo. So I was already having a little self-pity weep. To ice the cake, I then inadvertantly landed myself some shite toe news.
For once I want to show you all Death Toe – but also don’t want to make anyone puke… So have put pics further down the post.
Katie do not look!!!! 😄 Hell no one look!
Went to do a dressing change (at 1.30 am – standard Kath life) as it was rubbing and very sore even on a hefty dose of oromorph… and realised the actual cracked under-toe – normally soft squidgy area was so dead, it had no sensation… Was poking it (with a sterile finger!), which seemed like an excellent idea in the pursuit of science (high on morphine remember!) and it only bloody well started oozing 😣
Proper massively pissed off. Had to call a nurse to get a generous swab for testing and redress it again. No bloody wonder it has been so horribly sore, if its been needing to drain and essentially had a lid of dead necrotic crap over it 😠
Its made me so, so angry that no one has suggested it was full of hidden ooze. Also weepy and negative as hell, as if it is infected, it’ll duck up the entire treatment plan thats even involved having to take sick leave for the emergency admission. It makes a mockery of the last seven months of pain and an infection in a toe with no circulation to it means many many many months of antibiotics. I am an expert in this now. During which time I wouldn’t be able to start rituximab and I’d have to stop the meth… Which would let the two or three other ulcers already in the wings run riot… and the cryos will build up and clog my kidneys and they’ll fail and I’ll die a stinky, sweaty, pain mess, oozing yellow pus and not being able to walk to the fuckin shop.
I’m a proper ray of sunshine yep!
I can’t handle the thought of endless pain and being so lame and physically useless for nearly two years now feels really un-fucking fair 😣
Not having a good night haha – a lovely nurse is bringing me a cup of tea 😂 how bloody British! Pleuh. Below were taken about a minute before my entire current life plan went to shit.
Be warned, not pretty.
Yes, it is really sore. Yes, it looks infected. But I’ve been in and out of podiatrist, GP and rheumy for seven months and no oozing and no infection markers in blood tests since March. Waiting until four days before new treatment…? Ta Death Toe. Jerk.